don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
