worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
