$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
