she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize