Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
