My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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