he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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