Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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