Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
