So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
