I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
