just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my poor anus
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
