okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You are a genius and a whore.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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