I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He did a backflip because drugs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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