Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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