Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
