Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
