So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
