So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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