so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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