i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were trust falling into bushes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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