We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
two words: eviction party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
