Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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