I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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