i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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