I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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