checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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