he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
