I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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