yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
