what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
