Pappa wants mamma naked
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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