i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My feet surprised me
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