The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
