What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
