Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
