I hate your face
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
