Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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