people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
