He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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