you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
