I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
