he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
