I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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