Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
