Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
