How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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