Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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