You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
