I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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