Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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