listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sarcasm needs its own font
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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