your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
