im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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