I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
