Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I skipped work to stalk him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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