There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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