I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
