I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
