he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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