I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
